Who are you?   My friends call me Jill Jacob Jingleheimer Schmitt….alleged sister of John Jacob

Are we friends? I’d like to think we are all friends in the circle of life.

When and how did we meet? There was no formal meeting, we just sat back, drank our brandy and smoked our cigars while we talked politics. You DO remember, don’t you?

Do I smoke? The question is, “do I smoke?” and the answer would of course be yes, because I am SMMMMMMOKIN!

Do I believe in God? No, but you DO believe in spelling words correctly and let me tell ya, your belief system has faltered in question number five.

Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. ---Pockets. Because you love to put your hands in your pockets.

Describe me in one word. --YOU

What was your first impression? Of what? J-Lo and Ben’s breakup? Well, at first I was mostly stunned because I don’t think I could give a million dollar engagement ring back so easy. Then, I kinda just accepted it, put away the Kleenex, stopped sending Ben hate mail, and moved on.

Do you still think that way about me now? What way? Is this Ben? LISTEN BEN, I DID NOT THROW EGGS AT YOUR HOUSE. THAT WAS NOT ME. I DO NOT HATE YOU ANYMORE! I just moved on, what more do you want?

Who do I remind you of? – You remind me of  cool summer’s day with the wind blowing some woman’s hat off and flying into a lake or some other body of water where she can’t reach it and she tries to reach it by stretching out her long arm til her hand almost touches it and still, she can’t reach the hat… then she reaches too far and falls in. Yeah, you’re kinda like a nice, cool summer’s day.

Have you seen me cry?  -- When the Olsen’s new show was canceled. Just the one time.

Are you sure you know me? – How can we, as people, really know anyone? I mean. Look at Republican Texas Governor Rick Perry… we all though we knew him and look how that all turned out.

Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? Well, if you insist. Here goes. Social Darwinism is a quasi-philosophical, quasi-religious, quasi-sociological view that came from the mind of Herbert Spencer, an English philosopher in the 19^th century. It did not achieve wide acceptance in England or Europe, but flourished in this country, as is true of many ideologies, religions and philosophies. There. How is that? Wheww.. felt good to get that off my chest.

What is the month of my birthday? The month in which you were born.

What is the color of my hair? Color does not matter, you racist!!

What is the color of my eyes?  See above answer.

Do I have any siblings? Man, seriously… if you don’t know that maybe you should have your head checked or something. Geez, where have you been all your life?!?!?!?!?

What's one of my favorite things to do outdoors?  If I remember correctly, you love to take long, leisurely walks from your old, dark house to the Bates Motel down below. Oh wait, that’s Norman Bates…..nevermind.

What's one of my favorite things to do indoors?  -- To sit in your rocking chair speaking in your mother’s voice, pretend to be her and…..er, wait.. Norman Bates again! I’m not too good at this . Oh Well.

What's my favorite type of music? Anything from Lord of the Dance, I believe.

Am I shy or outgoing? Yes

Would you say I am funny ha ha or funny sarcastic? Funny you say that, ha ha…..

Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules? Neither. You’re a rebel by following all the rules of chaos.

Would you consider me a friend, and acquaintance, or a good friend?  --Friend, good friend….they’re all the same. If it suits ya, make new friends and uh, keep the old. One is silver and the other’s gold. Don’t ask me to distinguish the two.